You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
