hotel room ftw
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize