Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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