shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
