Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
