god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
