All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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