hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
