like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
