Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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