I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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