you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it was like eating out sand paper
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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