I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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