i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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