Whod you bang
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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