Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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