I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
