I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
