I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
