Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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