Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Randomize
