yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
