Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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