HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
