I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
