Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I still have a little drunk in my system
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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