Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize