I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
