I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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