I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
