you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
