You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Im part way to drunk.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
