Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
