I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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