Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
