i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
