Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
