Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
