Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
