Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
