Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
