Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
