if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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