The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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