PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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