Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
