even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
