apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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