My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i think my cat just said my name.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
