i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
