If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
