The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
