Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
