I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
