Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
