Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
