Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
