nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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