The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
