Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
