there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Drunk is a universal language darling
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
