I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
