I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
