He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
